Archive:The Siege of The Vatican

From Alathra Wiki
The Siege of the Vatican
Part of the Ashina-Kingdom of God War
DateJune 15, 2021

Decisive Ashina victory

  • Kingdom of God occupied by Ashina
Kingdom of God
Commanders and leaders
  • KnightOfNotch
  • Shepsicle
  • Ripesack
  • Grandpa_boob
  • Hargreevs
  • Wreaker_Prime
  • RaptorJ6
  • Cody29797
None (abandoned) About 20-30 fighters
Casualties and losses
None Several deaths from friendly fire and hostile mobs

The Siege of The Vatican was the final event of the Ashinian conquest of the Kingdom of God. It took place on June 14th, 2021 at 9:30 PM CDT, when a coalition of Ashina, Fare-Sesso and FCA forces stormed an abandoned Vatican City. The Ashinian forces were led by Emperor KnightofNotch, King Shepsicle of New Ashina City, and Grandpa_boob of Lothridge. The FCA Battalion was commanded by Chancellor Cody29797, and the Fare-Sesso Battalion by King RaptorJ6.

The battle was won by Ashina following a refusal of war by the Kingdom of God, led by Pope Mistapurple, and Vatican City fell under Ashinian rule.


After conducting a series of raids against the Kingdom of God on June 13th in which all but one of its members were killed and their equipment captured, Emperor KnightOfNotch and King Shepsicle were eager to press the advantage and end the war quickly. Emperor KnightOfNotch coordinated with the other leaders in the alliance, namely King RaptorJ6 and Chancellor Cody29797, and created a plan to crush the Kingdom of God in one final blow. Unfortunately, RaptorJ6's computer broke, so he was unable to participate in the assault.

In the time leading up to the siege, many uninvolved parties criticized the war, describing it as a glorified massacre, with little hope for KOG survival.

Preparations and strategy

Emperor KnightOfNotch's initial battle plans. While Ripesack and Grandpa_Boob harry KOG forces from the north and Hargreevs and Wreaker_Prime attack from the east, the main force would advance from the south.

Because of Vatican City's advantageous position on a hilltop with only one easily scalable slope to the southeast, launching a successful attack, even against the heavily outnumbered and under-equipped KOG, would require a highly-coordinated attack strategy.

First, in order to draw out the KOG's fighters from their fortifications, the four best warriors in the alliance, King Ripesack, Grandpa_Boob, Hargreevs, and Wreaker_Prime, would launch a diversionary attack on Vatican City. Ripesack and Boob, designated the Mountain Raiders, would harass the KOG from the mountains and forests to the north and use Ashina's recently-constructed outpost in the area as a home base. Meanwhile, Hargreevs and Wreaker_Prime would serve as shock troopers, advancing directly up the only accessible slope to the southeast and engaging the KOG directly in order to draw them out.

Once the KOG took the bait and left their fortifications to attack Hargreevs and Wreaker, the rest of the alliance, commanded by KnightOfNotch, Shepsicle, RaptorJ6, and Cody29797, would advance from a position concealed by a small ridge to the southwest. With the KOG caught outside of their defenses, they would be forced to either retreat to the north right into the jaws of Ripesack and Grandpa_Boob, or to the west off of a sheer cliff face and likely to their deaths. Armed with this plan, Emperor KnightOfNotch felt confident in a swift victory with few losses.

The battle

Initial Attack

On June 14th at 9:25 CST, the Ashina-led force landed at nearby Homo Town to the east and began to advance to their positions, just as a brutal thunderstorm descended on the battlefield. Although some units were separated during the storm, by 9:30 CST, all troops were in position, ready to attack. At this time, Emperor KnightOfNotch started playing music from the DOOM soundtrack and gave the order to attack.

However, once the alliance arrived at the gates of the Vatican, they came to a stunning realization: none of the members of the KOG were there. Instead, they found a book entitled "you goofy as fuck" that mocked the Ashinians for taking a computer game so seriously. Over the course of the next hour, citizens of the Vatican logged on and off, taunting their attackers. The city was formally besieged, with the Ashinians painstakingly capturing the Vatican chunk by chunk.

The 0utFoxxed-Grandpa_Boob Duel

While the alliance forces were waiting to capture the Vatican, Sir 0utFoxxed of Uhovia, then known as austinzhu, challenged Grandpa_Boob of Lothridge to a duel to entertain the army. After a fierce fight, 0utFoxxed lost, but Grandpa_Boob graciously granted his items back.

The Final Siege and Giant Battle

Many of those involved were disappointed in the lack of participation from the KOG. In order to prevent boredom and frustration over such a highly anticipated battle, Admin EmprZedd began spawning Giants for the attackers to fight off while they seized the city. The force sustained numerous casualties during this fight, including several friendly-fire incidents, but ultimately succeeded in defeating the Giants.


Public reaction to the battle was mixed. Many Alathran citizens took pride in participating in the battle and defeating the Kingdom of God. However, many were disappointed to how the battle turned out. While many people had logged in to fight, most of them did not stay to see the siege through. Pope Mistapurple and the Kingdom of God were widely seen as cowards for refusing to fight, but some citizens sympathized with the small nation. The abandonment of Vatican City could be seen as an act of nonviolent protest against the imperialism of Ashina. However, public opinion still remained strongly with the Ashina Empire.